Reasons why I should not be trusted.

I guess this has been a long enough hiatus from blogging (read: writing
anything worthwhile) and I should actually start again. Shame on me. But
really I just can't be bothered to turn on the pc when I get back home
after 8 hrs of eyeballing online articles and the occasional foray into
Entertainment sections of news sites. They track our footprints on the
web, fair enough because it's a company resource but this has done
nothing for my paranoia I kid you not.

Fei left me a note right before she took off to become Mrs T in UK. Who's
going to be my surf buddy now? Egads, the mental image of holding an
audition for Alamak's Bali Beach Buddy just popped into my brain. Damn
those reality tv shows and my easily influenced subliminal consciousness.
Anyways, the point of the note was to START WRITING. I'm still searching
for a worthy plot because as profound and fascinating I find my life to
be, I doubt if anyone else will feel the same way. Har har.

But really, I just don't trust myself to write anything for public
viewing just yet. Blogging and verbal diarrhoea doesn't count.

1) I think I'm just scared silly about public backlash. My ego is a frail
creature as any.

2) Lack of subject matter e.g. 'The Times I Accidentally Locked Myself In
The Loo At Ages 3, 14 and 20' or 'Why I Avoid Drinking Soda With Spicy
Tom Yum Soup' (see what I mean about being profound?)

3) Attention span of 3 seconds when it comes to starting projects. The
probability of completing a piece is very, very slim.

At the same time, I still look forward to the day I actually write
something unadulteratedly Alamak! y'know? It's one thing to be inspired
by Kerouac or Toer but another to actually translate the great big
tangled yarn of tales and trivialities inside me into coherent language.
I don't claim to be a writing genius, or an expert of any sort for that
matter, but I'd like to know what it feels to just liberate all the
words inside.

I feel suffocated by all this wanting and not knowing what to
do with it.

10 Things I Kinda Sorta Maybe Hate About You

The first dvd I ever bought starred a sarcastic Aussie protagonist and
unlikely heroines. I mean, the teen that I was totally fell for the "What
is this? National Assholes' Day?" line. Rude, crude but so very becoming.
I had a thing for angry lines like that. Those high school years were a
source of constant angst and frustration hence, the imagined
identification with the mad, bad Kate.

Funny thing about everything is, real life is anything but 10 Things.
There was no sarcastic Aussie male, there was no dramatic stalking away
scene and there was no sappy poem read in front of an entire class of
sniggering 18 year olds. Pooey. I think a big part of me banked on all of
that happening to me because it created so many butterflies in my tummy
when I watched the movie. Yes yes scoff all you want, I'm entitled to my
Ideal Romance aight.

But these days, I found there are other ways of setting off fireworks -of
the good kind - in my chest. And all without the dramatic entrances or
angry banter between the sexes. Meh, go figure. I'm Miss Vanilla after
all. Below is my interpretation of The Ideal Romance Meets Real Life.

I hate it when you text me silly messages
I hate it when you call
I hate it because it makes me goosey
inside and because I don't really
hate it at all

Goosey isn't even a word. See what Miss Vanilla is reduced to?

This is so deranged. I'm going to watch more gory blockbusters and be
part of the herd.

of command lines and playtimes

my aunt showed me a poem that i wrote a long, long time ago. its pretty funny since the rhymes are nonsensical.

i learned to talk and laugh about the little things again.

What a month. What an incredibly long month. I still haven't fully recovered from last weekend's dinner event and everyone at work is already telling me to stock up on Vitamin C supplements for the impending national celebrations. Phwoar, talk about physically demanding. Who knew I'd need to be a lean, mean machine to make nice and strut in heels while discreetly hissing into a walkie talkie at functions? But it's all so very enjoyable. I love the tension (read: adrenaline) I love the dressing up (waterproof mascara and one inch layer of long life foundation) I love getting together with the media (it makes me a little sad about being on the Other Side now) I love the collective sigh of relief during debriefing sessions at the end of every event.

It's awesome but it comes with a price (panic attacks and blistered toes are a small price to pay for a job well done, I must say). I believe I'm over my so-called 'honeymoon' phase in the company but sometimes I do a happy jig in my head over dental benefits but ah well, doesn't take much to please me.

homeward bound

there seems to be an odd lull in the pace of life after always being on the go in school. it took me awhile to get used to having nothing to do. its strange because i know who i am when i have errands to run, but i get lost and apathetic when i have none. well that's slowly changing. i'm figuring it out on my own pace.

on another note, i'm off to edmonton tomorrow. will be looking forward to meeting the eccentric aunt and lil cousin, as well as a friend. i hope to have a relatively productive time there. i'm not looking forward to the flights though. am just wishing for the best.

otherwise, everything's well. the packing will be a bit of a challenge but i think it can be done. it must be done. wakakakakakakakaka.

demented

i feel like shheeeet.
cos i got lil sleeeeep.
i've 1.5 hours til my first final.
and i'm bored with revising.
but i
must
not
stop.

and then repeat the whole process again.
because i have another final tonight.
it is horribleeeee.
i need ze caffeine to vork, now!

chambana, baybeh.

O gracious me. Today's the last day of classes! Finals are up! Its the end of my freshmen year!

Two semesters really flew by. Seems so long ago, but not really. 9 months? Didn't even notice. I had such a good time.

Came here with literally no expectations. Fell in love with the campus. Learned my way around. I don't need a map anymore. I've eaten at most of the good spots. I've been to different universities and even to a neighboring state. I've been to different social scenes. I've been on campus in the middle of the night, skirting round patrol. I've experienced the seasons. I've braved snow, hail, rain and darned wind.

What I love most about being here is the freedom to pursue whatever academic road we want. We make our own syllabus. We fill our own certificates. We create our own courses. We do whatever we want. If only there was more time, I'd go down so many roads and fulfill all my academia dreams.

Looking back, I did pretty well if I may say so. I've established myself pretty well. Made a number of good friends. Met a lot of interesting characters. Know the names of famous inventors and respected people.

Also, more people know where Brunei is now. =) And that we don't live on trees.