heyoo

ho hum.

i wish had something interesting to say.

the weather's cold and gray again this week. last week was a tease.

the tulips frosted over.

my mind is empty at the moment.

some day, i'll touch the sky

I was here!

The 11th month of our year

The air felt clean again when I stepped out the front door. It was as if the afternoon downpour washed away all the stains of our greed and gave us a second chance. As if on cue, the azan for the evening prayer resonated softly through the neighbourhood. The difference between this evening and others is that for once I heard the call and it made sense. It was as if someone stripped the bullshit off of my life and I could see again, even if only for that moment. Everything was rushing back at me and I felt (again) every moment that I wished never were. Well, I could always go back to that spot and remember what clarity felt like.

shiver me timbers

An earthquake of magnitude 5.2 hit Champaign around 6 this morning.

And I slept through it all.

How in the world do I miss all these things?

I only found out about it when someone told me. Nothing looked out of place. Well, maybe a bottle of lotion or something rolled over but am I really supposed to notice that when I get up bleary eyed at 8.30?

*everything's fine. I just find it amusing that I missed the most interesting thing that could've happened here.*

"She's your friend, too."

Nothing makes for good writing but pain. Or so we agreed on last Thursday over cheesy fries and spaghetti.


18-04-08
17:34:19
Everything just stopped
not when I found out about your carefully crafted stories
not when you hung up on me
it all ended
the night you decided to
deliberately
say nothing at all.



I don't think that was very good writing at all when it should have been.

so its back to the mundane...

...only in a different place.

last week was full of homework deadlines.
this week is full of exams, homework and project deadlines.
things just keep piling up threefold.

what is with that?

the workload really is increasing exponentially with respect to time.
i think i'm adapting but i don't think i'm showing significant improvement if i'm able to maintain average grades. technically, i am improving, but not enough to visually show it.

oh, the woes of a college student. and its only my freshmen year. technically, i am a junior. how cool is that. i just wish that counts as something. to anyone who would listen.

spring is here. it's supposed to be in the 70s tomorrow. i'm planning to wear a skirt. just to be in the mood, you know? but we'll see.

i miss home but i miss here too. how is it possible to miss two places at once when you're in one of them is beyond my comprehension. but it happens.

i still am not capable of intense emotions on a daily basis though. once in a while saturates all that i've got. even then, its still pretty difficult to get through the emotion. i guess i'm born stoic. it scares me a little when i do get emotional. its too foreign. but he said not to be scared of it. so i'm working on it.

i hope i come back changed for the better. please provide constructive feedback upon my return.

=)

yeaaah well, i'm just hoping forthis week to be over so i can breathe relatively easier again. ick.

sorry i dont have interesting geology terminology to blow your mind. i'm mundane like that.

it means short-lived

There was music playing in the background while I was on the treadmill yesterday. One would think the Hanson brothers on crack is infinitely better than the obscure feel good remixed 90s one hit wonders blurting their unending happiness on the stereo. Or maybe it was the brothers on crack, I couldn't tell. You know how sometimes, like a big cosmic joke, some background noise would be in tandem with your mood, like you'd be feeling slightly suicidal because you lost your job, someone robbed your flat of everything but the ugly second hand couch you bought for $15 from your gran's and your girlfriend left you for a Daniel Henney lookalike and then Sinead O'Connor's Nothing Compares To You comes on the supermarket muzak?

Or sometimes, the Big Guy Upstairs decides to get someone to play rabidly happy remixes in the gym when you're trying to work off your frustration/stress/clinical depression. Positivity is overrated. Gyms and poor taste in audio files aside, there's been nothing as mentally stimulating as a week long session at Let's Look At Seismic Graphs 101. So far, I've covered the basics of geology, geophysics, petrophysics and after today's lesson, I can now attempt to impress drilling engineers with my newfound knowledge of the cap over mule formula. That was petroleum industry code for the radial flow equation. This is the reason I picked Descartes over algebra in uni.

Somehow all the equations and philosophy in the world will never fill the blankness, no matter how fascinating petroleum systems can be. I used to dream, y'know. And everything got ripped out by the roots to be replaced by nothing good. At this point I'm really glad I'm the apathetic sort. I really shouldn't be this surprised. But I still can't help thinking: "Shit, just when the universe seemed to make sense."

Today I found a word that says it all - ephemeral.

Big hair and shoulder pads!

"Truly fantastic!!!" - alamak!wani!

of little Os and big Os

I found the next best thing in life: honey graham Os and milk. breakfast, lunch and/or dinner. its as if i discovered my insatiable appetite for cereal after a lifetime of not having proper breakfast foods. Eating Cheerios out of the box is scrumptious, truly. But eating healthy cereal out of a bowl with milk is a surprising yummy alternative.

Its the same thing in other aspects. I found little Os in things I never thought I would be content with. I usually found it bothersome having to wake up and go straight to class, but now, its not bad at all because I have things to look forward to during the day. Like having my mocha and cinnamon-sugar doughnut. Going to the comic store to get my monthly X-Men comic. I forgot how interesting and visually stimulating the cartoony heroes are. I remember only reading super old comics while waiting for my turn at the musical center for my weekly piano lesson. I dreaded everything but the comics.

And only yesterday, I found myself bored out of my mind with nothing urgent to do. No distressing homework, no distressing projects, no mind-boggling activities. It was a breather in a long long time. So I called up Amy and we ended up the whole afternoon catching up with each other. Tis comforting to know you can still have a good time with someone that you haven't talked to in a while.


Today was a beautiful day too. Clearly spring, almost a hint of summer if not for the cold breeze. We chalked the quad and flyered Green St. The rain might wash everything away tomorrow but today was good.



In fact, every day is always good. If you let it be.

It's April already

courtesy of the excellent xkcd website

So yesterday was another big day at work. Bigger than usual, if I may say so myself. It started off with me halfway on the zebra crossing at my workplace when some ang moh lady driver nearly mowed me down with her second hand faded maroon honda sedan or whatever they drive in these days. Never mind that I was almost roadkill and never mind that she was in the wrong, she actually said, and I say this because I can lipread ang moh lady drivers, "DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT". I'm standing there thinking what I'd dont wrong but in my head the running narrative began in mangled Hokkien and Malay. I was so shocked it happened I forgot to stop her and gave her the compulsory safety compliance talk and yeah tell her "Cheeeeeelaka you kanninabeychaocheebaistoopidangmohgetoutofmycountryorlearntodrive!"

Then I got to my office safely, I made sure I was holding the handrail when going up the stairs, and started preparing for that afternoon's event. Somehow or rather I had to make a phonecall to a William and it went something like:
Me: Good morning, I'm Wani from External Affairs. May I speak to William please?
William: Yes, this is him, how can I help you?
Me: Blablablabla
William: Oh hang on a sec. (Talks to someone in the background - Willlllliaaaam, your phone!)
William: Hi this is William
Me: *Puzzled* Owwhkayyy (Repeats business blablabla)
William: I'm actually William. I was joking the whole time. Do you know what day it is?
Me: Erh, Tuesday?
William: It's first of April.
Me: ...you got me.

I was so amazed I think I even forced myself to laugh. I didn't even know the guy but from the sound of it, I think he had a lot of fun that day. The last time I got pranked on April's Fool was in high school. It's ironic that just the other day I was thinking nothing interesting ever happened at work anymore since I left BT.